All new leaders have one of two fears.

The first (and most common) fear is the Empathy Trap. It manifests as fear of being perceived as too tough. A micro-manager. A jerk boss.

Now, I’m not saying empathy isn’t valuable. It is one of the most important qualities that a leader can have.

But a fear of being seen as the “bad guy” can distort empathy into something harmful. It can cause a leader to look the other way when he sees trouble.

The leader who falls into the Empathy Trap sees the red “Emergency” light flashing and responds by closing his eyes and hoping it goes away. His life becomes a neverending game of “see no evil, hear no evil”, falsely cloaked as empathy for chronically underperforming team members.

The second fear is the Discipline Trap. It shows up as anxiety that one might be thought of as too weak. A pushover and a doormat.

This leader responds by becoming an autocrat bent on total control. Always afraid someone will take advantage of her, she smothers her team with rules and enough bureaucracy to extinguish any flicker of individual thought or engagement. The drill sergeant in the corner office.

The sweet spot lies perfectly between empathy and discipline. Both are necessary tools, and the skilled leader knows how to use them together. That’s crucial, because either one used without the other is dangerous.

As a leader, you should never lose your empathy. But that doesn’t mean it has to dominate every action. You know you have achieved the right balance when you can calmly, rationally, and consistently use your authority in a genuinely empathetic way.