You think you’re ready.

Sure, you’re a little nervous about working from home, but the upside is phenomenal. No more commute! No more office distractions! Staying in your own environment! And, you get to operate side-by-side with your spouse, who also will be working from home for the first time. This couldn’t be better, right? Not so fast.

Our fictional friend Rita and her spouse Steve are getting ready to start working from home tomorrow.  Let’s peer into their lives to see how they navigate the hidden perils.

THE EVENING BEFORE

Rita sits down with Steve to talk about the joy and beauty of their imminent home-working nirvana. They are eager to get started. Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.

DAY ONE

8:30 AM – Rita “arrives at work” in a business suit, ready to tackle the day.

8:47 AM – Steve “arrives at work” in sweatpants and his favorite concert T-shirt.  Rita gives him a semi-judgmental side eye.

8:58 AM  – Rita is preparing for the day by creating her schedule and planning meetings.  Steve turns on the TV and walks away. The morning show hosts are enthusiastic, bubbly, and loud.  They do not seem to be the least bit concerned with Rita’s schedule.

8:59 AM – Rita turns the TV off.

9:01 AM – Steve turns the TV back on.  The morning show hosts are back. Still bubbly, still loud.  The weekend weather looks good.

9:09 AM – Rita and Steve negotiate a temporary TV truce and turn the volume down.  The morning show hosts seem unphased by this turn of events.

10:00 AM – Rita begins an important call with a client.  Things are going well.

10:13 AM – Steve starts his own call.  It turns out Steve’s default speaking voice volume on business calls is roughly equivalent to that of a stock car engine at full throttle.

10:17 AM – Rita places her client on hold and asks Steve to speak quietly.  He doesn’t understand what she’s complaining about – this is the way he always talks at work, and he shouldn’t have to change for anyone!  Steve grudgingly lowers his volume to motorcycle engine levels.

10:55 AM – Rita ends her call and again asks Steve to lower his voice.  He still can’t grasp why she has a problem, but nonetheless agrees to bring his voice level down another notch.  We have arrived at “power lawn mower” level.

11:00 AM – Rita starts call #2, and finds that she can live with Steve at power lawn mower level.  Life is good again.

11:23 AM – Steve yells out “Rita, my computer is frozen again!” Rita’s current client asks if everything is ok.  Rita places the call on hold while wondering how difficult it is to hide a body.

11:24 AM – Rita explains to Steve that she is not his IT support.  He explains that he can’t reach his “IT guy” and that someone needs to help him.  Rita walks away while muttering under her breath. Steve can’t quite hear the words, but he doesn’t think they were intended to help him fix his computer.

12:00 PM – Steve takes a break for lunch and decides to catch up on the news.  He turns the TV volume back up and sits down to relax for a few minutes. Rita is relegated to a back room to do her work.

1:00 PM – Steve goes back to work and Rita decides to take her break. She finds Steve’s lunch plate and glass in her workspace. Rita again wonders about the difficulty of hiding a body.  It doesn’t seem that difficult on TV…

1:07 PM – Speaking of TV, Rita would like to catch up on the news as well.  She turns up the TV volume to compete with Steve’s lawn mower call voice. Steve raises his voice to compete and he is soon back at stock car levels.

1:43 PM – Rita and Steve are both back at work.  The afternoon sun shines beautifully through the dining room window.  They each find themselves trying to enjoy the sun by working at the dining room table.

2:00 PM – Rita and Steve both start calls.  This is exponentially more difficult when they are sitting at the same table.  Earlier negotiated truces are broken. The covert “work-from-home” war has begun in earnest.

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So, where did the dream go wrong?

Rita and Steve had great intentions, but they didn’t give serious thought to the challenges that come with working from home.  These hardships are magnified when you are sharing working space. At this very moment, countless people are going through similar difficulties as they begin their remote work journey.

Here are some tips that can prevent you from fighting your own work-from-home war.

Realize That Everyone Comes From Different Work Cultures

In our example above, Steve speaks loudly and is used to background noise.  It’s easy for Rita to attribute that to rudeness or lack of empathy. But Steve likely comes from a work culture where people speak loudly, especially if they want to be heard.

Steve’s cultural norms may even cause him to think that he needs to get louder when he’s making an important point. Imagine his frustration when he is asked not to raise his voice! In contrast, Rita may come from a workplace culture where speaking quietly is the norm.

Understand that it is natural for people to bring their old work culture to their new work situation.  Their work-at-home behavior can be radically different from their standard “at home” behavior. This isn’t a character judgment – it’s simply how they have been trained to behave at work.

Communication

Open communication is crucial to moving forward.  Without transparent communication we tend to internalize our frustrations.  This leads to passive-aggressive behavior (the TV volume, the lunch dishes) and a covert war that no one will win.  Open communication keeps work-from-home nirvana from turning into frustration and resentment.

Boundaries Without Blame

Assume good intentions.  No one means to hamper someone else’s work. There is no “bad guy”.  There are simply people repeating learned behaviors in a new setting.

A productive conversation includes the following steps:

• Empathize and reinforce relationships (“You’re important to me”)
• Objectively state the impact of the behavior in question (“I can’t hear my clients when the TV is playing at full volume”)
• Ask them to help you understand their behavior (“Can you help me understand why it’s important to you for the TV to be on?”)
• Ask for the change you need (“Can we leave the TV off during working hours?”)
• Tell them what you are willing to do.  (Is there a compromise available? Can you meet each other halfway?  Make sure you convey that you are willing to help solve the problem.)

Create Physical Boundaries

Ideally, each professional should have their own office with a functioning laptop and office supplies.  If that’s not possible, create physical boundaries so everyone has their own space. This will curb subtle turf wars that tend to creep up over the smallest issues.

Respect Each Other’s Work 

This is really all about mutual respect.  You wouldn’t demean a colleague in a physical office.  There’s no place for that behavior in a home office either.  Realize that your relationship shifts from loved one to professional colleague during work hours.  Treat your colleague as a professional and ask for the same respect in return.

It can be tough to set boundaries with a loved one who is now intruding on your precious office space.  But you run the risk of work dysfunction and harm to your personal relationships if you don’t set up and maintain tight boundaries.

You may have to start some difficult conversations. But they will pay off in respect, appreciation, and a productive work environment for everyone.

Does remote work have you down? Contact Brian for immediate help creating and leading powerful virtual teams.